Connections

Do you ever have memories pop into your mind and don't realize the significance of them at the moment you are living it? Since I have been working through things in my life memories have been popping into my mind at random moments.

The most recent one I have which I found really interesting was while my mom was still married to my step dad I believe I was around 9 or 10. I remember being outside on our back patio and sitting on the ground and this man walked out to the back patio and I remember having this overwhelming sense to just jump up and hug him. I didn't realize who exactly he was but I knew him some how. Turns out this man was my Uncle, My dads brother! This memory is significant to me because I have always had this connection to my dads side that is just so overwhelming that I can't even explain it. When I am around them I just feel like me, like I know who I am when I'm with them. They are a safe space where there is no judgment or feeling of not being enough.

I remember when Josh (my husband) was getting to know my mom's side he would just look at me and say "I don't get it, you are such a black sheep" and I would just tell him "Wait till you meet my dad's side and you will understand." The comparison between the 2 sides is as black and white as it comes. So let me do a little break down of Josh's experiences with the 2 sides.

My mom's side is very quiet and reserved it's rare the whole family gets together. We would visit with my mom and it was like pulling teeth for my husband to get my mom to engage in conversation and he would feel like a stranger is his own home. He wanted so badly to be accepted by her but for some reason my mom did not want to give him the time of day. The first "vacation" with my mom was just so uncomfortable for my husband and myself. We were going to Winter Park to enjoy Colorado my husband could only be up there for 1 night because he had to travel for work so he drove separate with my now Stepdad so he could leave when he had to. We got up to Winter Park and everyone was hungry but NO ONE wanted to make a decision so my husband took the initiative and chose a bbq restaurant little did him and myself know that my mom had horrible acid reflux at this time and couldn't eat smoky foods. Instead of saying something before hand about this she waited till we got there making us feel like total "assholes". We said we could leave and go somewhere else but she didn't want to leave since we were there. So afterward Josh felt so bad that we went to a liquor store and got her Miller Lite which was the only beer she would drink and then the whole trip refused to touch it! Josh was beside himself and didn't know how to make a connection with her. For those of you who know my husband this man can walk into a room not know a soul and walk out with 10 new best friends, so for this to happen he just didn't know what to do. We did a hike that day as well and my mom didn't make it very far so she decided to stay behind with my youngest at the time and her best friend so there was no opportunity to try to connect and the very next day Josh woke up and left for business. GREAT TRIP for Josh! (insert eye roll and sigh) I don't know about you but when your family doesn't get along with your spouse or doesn't even try it just makes everything that much harder. Believe me there is more stories but this was his first vacation with her. UGH!

Now! My dad's side my dad was 1 of 5 so there are many of them, they are loud and outgoing. So completely opposite of my mom's side. Like I said before, Josh just couldn't connect the dots with me and my mom's side and I would just tell him "Just wait you will meet my dad's side one day and it will all make sense" and BOY DID IT! The crazy part is the day that Josh had to meet my dad's side was in the worst of times. My grandpa had passed away suddenly, so we flew to Iowa where the funeral was held and the second we walk in it's hugs all around. Everyone is so excited to see us and I am introducing Josh and he is being welcomed with open arms. He was able to converse and have beers with my whole family and man was there laughter like not just chuckles here and there but deep down belly laughs (the best kind of laughs). Josh was offering up Cigars and drinking good ol' Iowa Beer with all the guys and us ladies were inside eating, drinking, and being merry. With my dad's side even if we haven't seen each other in years when we get together it's like time hasn't skipped a beat. Have you ever had that connection with someone in your life? It's the best feeling ever! The next day was my grandpa's funeral obviously a super sad day with lots of tears and emotions. When we laid him to rest I got to visit my dad and sisters graves as well, which is always emotional. Afterward we went back to my Aunts house and it was just an overwhelming sadness that was in there air and all of a sudden Josh took initiative and asked everyone to sit around the table and said we're going to play a game. Josh starts off saying there are only a couple of rules... Everyone puts their hands on the table right hand overlapping the person next to you so that hand is in front of the that person. The person starting will tap there hand on the table for the direction to go. One tap to maintain direction, two taps to switch direction and if you mess up the hand that messes up comes out and you drink. Just a fun, simple party game. Little did Josh know that he would become a fan favorite with the family after this. We were all laughing and smiling and celebrating being together. This small act brought us all together and connected us in a deeper way. After that trip Josh said to me "Now they make sense! I understand where you come from!" Since this trip we have maintained keeping in contact and did a family reunion were there were 20+ people under one roof for several days with NOT ONE FIGHT just fun and laughter. Josh even speaks to them more than I do now haha. He has developed a great relationship with them that just makes my heart happy.

Connections to people runs so deep and in my case even not really knowing my dad I still have a deep connection to him that lives through The Conaway's. Lean on those connections and embrace where you come from. Stay true to who you are even if other's don't get it, at least you do!