Forgiveness

Ok lets get back to it...

I'm honestly not sure on how to approach this part of my life, and the reason for that is he was good and bad all at the same time. Then again aren't we all? We all have parts of our life that we know we should have known better but make the choice to choose wrong, and that is exactly what happened with my stepdad...

Growing up with my Stepdad like I said in my first post was he was goofy, fun, and gave me his last name as if I was his own, but when it came to discipline he didn't mess around. Was there moments when I deserved discipline? Absolutely! Kids push boundaries and if a child goes beyond the boundary they need to be put back on a restart and know that line and where not to cross it, not to be mean to the kid but to teach them "Hey you go beyond this there will be consequences." They need to know that in everyday life. For example you steal you deal with the police. Anywho I digress ... I have fond memories of my stepdad taking me on bike rides, swimming, going on family trips. My not so found memories were of getting my ass handed to me with a belt and then the nights I would wake up to my mom sleeping next to me in my bed. I didn't understand that they were having problems and those problems came from...drugs, Speed to be exact. For those who don't know what Speed is, it is a lesser form of Crystal Meth. (I had to look it up as I didn't even know myself)

From what I can remember I didn't know my stepdad had a problem until my mom and I had to go to "Family Day" at rehab and I had to read him a letter to his face about how I felt about his actions. If anyone can take anything away from this story is DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS! Did he need to hear these things? I'm sure he did. Is it unfortunate he had to go all the way to rehab? YUP! Does it suck it ruined our family? 100%! I'm sure you are wondering if rehab worked, happily for him it did work. I remember going to pick him up and we got out of the walls of the facility we pulled over the car and he got out and just hollered at the top of his lungs as he was so happy to be out of there. The next I remember was we really religiously started going to church.

The church he wanted us all to go to was a VERY strict christian church, there was no music only church hymns and we had to go every week Wednesday or Saturday nights and of course Sunday. When you are 10 or 11 years old you don't understand why all of a sudden you are going constantly and when you don't go it isn't ok. I do remember going and not having a sense of belonging to the ministry. I did not like this church. Not much longer after he was out of rehab my mom and him sat me down at the dining room table and told me they were getting divorced. I remember to this day "acting" like I was sad this was happening. It is never a good thing being happy your parents are getting divorced.

Once he moved out my mom stayed in our house in Gilbert and he found himself an apartment and then eventually a mobile home in a trailer park. We use to do Wednesday's and every other weekend at his trailer. My sisters and I dreaded going but the positive thing we got out of it was Cookie's and Cream Ice Cream with Peanut Butter M&M's and got to go to Blockbuster and pick out a movie for us all to watch. His places just never felt like "Home" to us. Which just made every visit very hard. This went on for several years.

I'm not sure what my sisters memories are of those days as they were very young. I was in middle school and they were early elementary. I honestly don't even know if they have any memory of them getting back together and getting remarried when I was in high school. Let me just tell you that was a short lived 6 months. Yup that's right 6 Months! I give them props for trying to make it work but it just didn't. Him and I did not see eye to eye. He moved back in to our house and tried to be "Dad" and I was a teen lets just say we had some battles. After their 2nd divorce he moved to Texas and lived with his parents for several years. My sisters and I would go visit for a few weeks during the summer. We enjoyed that as we got to see our family on his side, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many cousins. I did this until I turned 18, my last visit there I went to a tattoo shop with my cousin and got my first tattoo. (Rebel 18 year old)

Unfortunately, through the years him and I have not maintained a relationship, He got remarried to a really nice lady who has 2 daughters and they now have grand babies from them. From what I know they are happy and I wish them well.

Was he a bad person? No. Did he have struggles? Yes. Did he try? Yes. I feel even though times are rough and we all make bad choices there is a way of turning it around. You don't have to dwell in the past you just learn from it. Keep moving forward and don't repeat the same mistakes. For a long time I disliked him for the choices he made, but I can't hold that against him forever. He is human, as am I and we all make mistakes. the Bible says in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” and so this is me saying "I forgive you"